The Trauma Recovery Institute - Neuroscientific Based Psychosocialsomatic Approach|

The Enabler

/The Enabler
The Enabler 2013-05-21T16:50:12+00:00


The Enabler/Codependent:(co Addict) is the family peacemaker who feels responsible for everyone’s emotional well-being. Enablers are often angry, self-righteous, and over-responsible, coming from families where they took over parents’ responsibilities. They feel they have lost their childhood.

The Enabler protects and takes care of the problem spouse, so that the Dependent is never allowed to experience the negative consequences of his or her actions. While the Enabler feels angry and resentful about the extra burden that is placed upon him or her by the Dependent's unhealthy, irresponsible and antisocial behavior, he or she may feel powerless to do anything about it. The Enabler feels he or she must act this way, because otherwise, the family might not survive. While the family is afforded survival by the Enabler's responsibility, the Enabler may pay the cost of stress-related illness, and never have his or her own needs met, in effect, being a martyr for the family. The paradoxical thing about the Enabler's behavior is that by preventing the Dependent's crisis, he or she also prevents the painful, corrective experience that crisis brings, which may be the only thing that makes the Dependent stop the downward spiral of addiction.


Script: (self righteous, passive aggressive, angry, martyr)


You go for your drink and don’t worry about us

I have to do everything in this Fucking house

What Thanks do I ever Get

I wish I was Dead