02 Jul Conscious Sexuality & Creating Wild Passion and Intimacy by Michaela Boehm
Intimate relationships are our universities of the heart. In them we will find challenges and blessings, ecstasy and sorrows, and come to realise that our lovers are our mirrors and we are reflected in their eyes. If there is conflict in our relationships it is because we ourselves are in conflict; if there is joy and fulfillment it is because we have found peace within ourselves. ~Ross Haven
What is tantra?
Tantra as it is seen in the West is very different from the original ways it was practiced. It is essentially a tradition in which awakening is pursued through embodiment (vs. disembodiment in meditation, etc.) and union is sought through relationship and intimacy. In the West it has been mostly pursued for its emphasis on using sexual union as one of the vehicles to awakening (enlightenment). In reality, only a small portion of tantra has anything to do with sex, and only as a way to merge with the divine. There is a much larger tantric discipline that deals with allowing all feelings to be met with equal acceptance, and for each person to become deeply sensitive to what they are feeling. Subsequently, they are then able to feel others and their needs.
Tantra Sessions are individualized depending on what the person or couple needs. Both in sessions and workshops there is no sexually explicit touching, no nudity and strict rules to ensure safety and maximum freedom in applying the techniques used. All the practices I teach are energetic in nature and can be done fully clothed. In personal sessions I might give the couple homework and assignments. In workshops I teach how to create intimacy and how to revive or increase sexual chemistry. Many people have traumatic, habitual, societal or other closures in their body that prevent them from experiencing pleasure. Some people just have not experienced pleasure yet. Some people want to enhance the intimacy, connection, and pleasure they have. We are educated in most areas of our life, but there is no real sexual/relational/intimate education. We mostly see what our parents do and then fumble through our first few relationships. Many people have had a lack of intimacy in their upbringing and no sexual/sensual education as they started relationships. Life these days is increasingly disconnected and often the emphasis in relationships is on making money or raising kids—intimacy only becomes a goal when the relationship already suffers.
The masculine and feminine aspects, and how this becomes distorted as we age as a couple
Each human has both masculine and feminine in them. We usually tend to enjoy one aspect more than the other—that’s what is called the essence. The feminine in men and women alike enjoys the flow of life and love, revels in the ability to enjoy beauty, nature, textures, colors, and experiences. Fullness is the feminine principle. Sexually speaking, the partner with a feminine essence enjoys the aspects of surrender, dissolution, and being ravished. The masculine in men and women alike enjoys the forward motion of directed action and purpose. A time/space grid of linear planning and thinking feels enjoyable to the masculine. The masculine principle is emptiness. Through meditation, watching sports, competition, having a drink, “zoning out” in front of a TV, and relaxation through sex are activities the masculine in a person enjoys. In long term relationships partners often become very much the same—we start to like the same things, do the same things—over time, the couple resonates rather than polarizes and hence has less sexual chemistry.
Men and women have both traits, but in a polarized (meaning sexually oriented) relationship one partner takes on the feminine expression and one takes on the more masculine expression and the radical differences in orientation create a strong arc of sexual polarity. The further the “poles” are apart, the stronger the sexual attraction. In long term relationships, partners often become very much the same—we start to like the same things, do the same things—over time, the couple resonates rather than polarizes and hence has less sexual chemistry. Gender has very little to do with polarity practices. The only important thing is that one partner animates one end of the spectrum, while the other partner goes as far to the other end as possible for the sake of the strong arc of polarity. Polarity works like physics, with easily applicable rules that can produce polarity almost instantly.
10 Tips For Creating Wild Passion & Deep Intimacy By Michaela Boehm
Define the Purpose of Your Relationship.Each relationship has a purpose, spoken or unspoken. For instance, you might get together to have children, build a community, create a partnership in which you also pursue business together, come together to experience sexual expansion, personal growth, or just plain fun. The more we can define the relational purpose, the more clarity and definition we can apply to the way we love, have sex, and create. Often relationships get stale when the purpose is not defined or has changed in one partner. Once you are aligned in your relational purpose you can create the practices and actions that support the deepening and growth you desire.
Discover Your Natural Sexual Essence. Each human has masculine and feminine aspects with them. To be a full and deep human being it is important to express both. But we all have a place we call “home,” where we rest happily and feel the fullest expression. That does not mean we need to live there all the time, but it is the place we return to when we want to recharge and it is the disposition we offer our lover as a gift to create passion. If you have a masculine essence, you prefer the structure of time and space over the wild chaos of existence. You enjoy spiritual pursuits that bring you towards emptiness, and activities that result in a blissful moment of nothingness. You enjoy creating schedules, objectives, and accomplishing goals. Your whole life is aligned with your purpose. Often relationships get stale when the purpose is not defined or has changed in one partner. If you have a feminine essence, you love the chaotic swirl of life, nature, bliss, color, texture, flavor, and communion. You love to relate, exchange, dance, celebrate, adorn and deepen into the fullness of existence.
Practice Offering Your Essence as a Gift. Once you have defined your “home base,” your sexual essence, you can begin to practice the bodily expression of that essence as a gift to your partner. Like an artist or a musician you practice the offering of your gift. As a masculine essence, you deepen into meditation to still your mind, exercise to strengthen your body, breath, and stamina. You relax into being unwavering in the face of chaos and learn how to take charge, guide well, and pursue your purpose with integrity. As a feminine essence you relax into the ever changing swirls of emotion and texture, movement, and sound. You practice experiencing pleasure in your body and showing that pleasure to your chosen partner. You cultivate ways to move energy through your body and learn how to become responsive and give instant feedback.
Relax. The number one “passion killer” is tightness and strain. Open and relax your body, then have some humor. Most of what we hold in our minds as a “problem” is really more an artifact of our past. Relationships and sex are not perfect and the need to “get it right” and “perform well” keeps us from being creative and uninhibited.
Breathe. Breath is life force. Breath is also the vehicle of connection and bodily communication. Learn how to breathe into your belly, not just into your chest. Let your belly expand, which brings energy into your lower body where sex actually happens…Once you know how to breathe without constriction you can breathe together and create depth and incredible connection. Practice looking at each other, while staying relaxed, breathing and simply noticing when you have reached a threshold where it’s just a bit too intimate.
Use Eye Contact to Open. Our eyes are really the windows to our souls. Falling into each other through eye contact, while our bodies are open and unguarded is delicious (and yes, a bit scary). Practice looking at each other, while staying relaxed, breathing and simply noticing when you have reached a threshold where it’s just a bit too intimate. Hang out there for a bit and you will find that this can be as good as sex!
Connect Heart to Heart. Locate the tension in your chest and soften the actual muscles around your heart. Put your hands over your heart and imagine that the whole area relaxes and opens. Imagine your heart radiating outwards to your partner. Feel your own heart and it’s joys and sufferings, then feel your partner’s heart. Connect with utmost care and compassion.
Expand Your Repertoire. Most of us have strong habits as to how we connect and how we have sex. We offer a similar invitation and “flavor” each time. Make the effort to learn different ways to entice your partner. You can get a good idea of what your partner is craving by watching what they like in movies, actors, and other public figures. You don’t have to live up to those types per se, a little bit goes a long way. The same goes for actual sexual offerings. Mix it up, risk something new or unpack an old and almost forgotten favorite. Learn some new techniques and have fun and humor experimenting again. And finally, make friends with your “dark side.” Nothing enlivens intimacy more. Go beyond the “love and light” flavors and live out some of what has always been there but has not seen the light of day in a while, if ever. Talk dirty, go dark, risk something. Just don’t forget to keep the heart in it…
Be Adventurous. When we first meet, every date is an adventure, carefully planned for maximum effect. Remember that when you want to have wild passion the most important element is new-ness and surprise. Create a complete scenario, that includes something new, something out of your habitual ways, something that stimulates both conversation and opens your bodies and hearts.
Create a Sacred Space. Set the scene. Put some creation into the space you are going to be intimate in. Just setting the space gets you out of the old habits. You can induce a state by creating a sacred space. This does not have to mean special linens, candles and music, even though that never hurts. It could be just turning various electronic devices off, making sure you are uninterrupted and having a shower or bath to end the workday. If you are playing with new flavors or experimenting you might go all out and decorate. Or go away to a different location… or nature… the options are unlimited.
Tantra Coaching and Psychotherapy for working with difficulties in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships
Learn how to be fully alive, fully present with a rich connection with self and your partner, this allows for the richest of human experiences. Learn effective communication skills, and “dissolve” relationship problems created by affairs, projections, past traumas and attachment difficulties. We belive that the relationship is not broken but is a mirror of what needs to be resolved within ourselves and within our relationships. Our relationship coaching approach is based on Imago therapy, encounter centered couples therapy and dynamic psychosocialsomatic psychotherapy. A Tantra coaching session results in re-connection, restores compassion, forgiveness and intimacy, teaches how to make authentic mutual amends, and rebuilds mutual trust for a new future together. Our tantra coaching sessions are suitable for single people, individuals from challenging relationships and for couples.
Tantra coaching for working through difficulties with sex, intimacy and relationships, empowering you to thrive in love, sexuality and intimacy. Embodied Tantra is living with an awareness in the moment through the body in an intimate connection with self, others and all that is. This allows you to have more choice, and to access more of what you are capable of, including pleasure, love, Intimacy and healthy attachments. Tantra coaching is safe, empowering, informative, psychoeducational, psychotherapeutic and liberating. Tantra coaching is also an opportunity to work through any blocks you have to intimacy and is perfect for anybody looking to create a healthy relationship with strong boundaries, communication, intimacy, connection, love, happiness and passion.
“Tantra is not technique but prayer. Is not head oriented but a relaxation into the heart. Please remember it. Many books have been written onTantra, they all talk about technique but the real Tantra has nothing to do with technique. The real Tantra cannot be written about, the real Tantra has to be imbibed(absorbed). How to imbibe real Tantra? You will have to transform your whole approach.” Osho
Embodied Tantra Ireland offers tantra coaching sessions for individual and couples. Whether you are married, engaged, beginning a new relationship, or in a committed partnership, you will learn how to become each other’s best friend, and how to create a relationship that is safe, passionate, and long lasting. Tantra coaching sessions teach you skills not only for transforming your marriage/partnership, but also for creating stronger connections with your kids, extended family and colleagues. The more couples learn to apply these skills to all of their relationships, the more and easier it will be for our communities to become more vibrant, and more pulsating with life.