05 Mar The Ultimate Relationship Program – Secrets from The Love Lab
The Ultimate Relationship Program- Based on Interpersonal Neurobiology
Long-Tirm Relationship Coaching (Trauma Informed Relational Model)
Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) is theoretical and practical framework developed at Trauma Recovery Institute to address relational conflicts in a trauma informed way and to create and sustain a long term committed intimate relationship. This model is a multidiscipline approach incorporating object relations theory, interpersonal neurobiology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, non violent communication and dynamic psychosocialsomatic psychotherapy.
The Premise of Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM)
1- The Romantic Bond is the completion of what is unresolved / un repaired in the parental bond. Therefore the relationship is the therapy.
2- We come together to complete , reenacting traumatic or adverse events so that awareness can be brought to a reemerging dynamic or feeling state in an effort for it to be healed, we do this through conflict and repair . This is the very purpose of the relationship.
3- We strive to provide corrective emotional healing experiences for each other. Allowing each other into our internal world, sharing love maps and continuous invitations.
4- The greater the childhood trauma and neglect, the uglier the conflict and reenactment will be.
5- Conflict and repair is a necessary psychological, metabolic and neurological process which is an adaptive and hormetic response. Avoiding this process can create disease, which is driven by chronic States of sympathetic activation (fight/flight) or dorsal vagal activation (shut down) of the nervous system and stuck unrepaired cell danger response.
6- Feelings are not facts, but they are real and meaningful and most likely familiar.
7- Co regulation produces safety, down regulating outside the relationship can erode safety.
8- Manage the masculine and feminine energies. The feminine needs safety and to feel priority , the masculine needs goals and purpose and accomplishment . Help the masculine be good at the relationship and that’s where he will focus. Lift the feminine up, help her feel safe and she will bring a huge amount of love and nurturing to the relationship.
9- Compassionate curiosity is an important muscle to exercise.
10- Use the 7 principles as a way to frame and repair conflicts.
When we meet our partners, we make an unconscious contract to help each other resolve emotional injuries of the past , we unconsciously pick or hire the perfect person to trigger this stored painful memory of our past , it is for this exact reason we have come together . Relationships are not a problem to be solved but an adventure to be embraced. Conflict is a gift to be unpacked , to embrace, an opportunity to grow , resolve and mature . Conflict can not be resolved at the level with which it was created. We hire the person in our life who is most compatible to help us resolve what is unresolved from our childhood. Our relationship lives in the space between us and it is sacred . This becomes the playground for our children . When there are only two options , take the third option ! Keep the space between you safe and sacred . Honour the space between you , by visiting the other by crossing the bridge . Cross the bridge with an open mind to learn , with curiosity and compassion , leave behind your hurt and trauma. Crossing the bridge is becoming completely present with your partner, listening without interruption, defensiveness or judgement, holding an unconditional space for your partner to share.
Beyond right thinking and Beyond wrong thinking there is a field , I will meet you there – This is the third option